cole's notes on life

fire on campus...

2008-10-23T09:38:00.002-04:00

this past weekend there was a serious fire in one of the residences on campus. fortunately, no one was severely injured but there are now 600 students who are homeless and stressed. this is already a stressful time as essays and midterms fill most student's schedules so being displaced and not having access to their things is taking its toll. the university is slowly getting people relocated into hotels in the city and students are reaching out to one another but we could use a whole lot of prayer for this situation on campus.
please pray specifically for the KCF students who live in Brandon Hall (MAC VCF did not have any students directly related to the fire) who themselves are now displaced and stressed. pray that they will become settled in their new homes and that this will provide an opportunity for them to share the gospel with their fellow residence friends.

if you are interested in helping provide more concrete support, please contact me and i can get you connected.

september update.

2008-09-19T11:15:00.003-04:00

even though it is only the second week of classes, campus life is in full swing. students are starting to feel the weight of their work load while tests and assignment deadlines are quickly approaching. it feels like Inter-Varsity is in full swing as well.

after a few welcoming events over the first few weeks, MAC VCF Bible studies started up this week with about 40 students spread over 5 different groups through the week. i am very impressed with our student leaders and their excitement for their groups this year. last year was such a growthful year for small groups, i think many are anticipating that God can do even bigger things this year.

MAC KCF has also started off its year strong with a bunch of events welcoming new students and sharing the vision for the year. i have been really encouraged this week about how the partnership with these students has been developing. i was so encouraged to go to the first large group of the year last night to see a bunch of familiar faces and meet new students who are checking out the group. the student leaders showed off their dance skills, led icebreaker games, and extended hospitality. i almost won KCF BINGO but unfortunately couldn't find anyone wearing pick boxers to complete my line. maybe next year...

as we sang during worship, i was overwhelmed to remember how God was at work in bringing the MAC KCF and MAC VCF communities together through Inter-Varsity. the students on both sides have shown us as staff a lot of grace as we figure out what this new relationship looks like. we are constantly wanting to provide more to students who want more and our limitations as staff become very clear.
Melody and i are currently dividing our time between KCF & VCF but i can't help but think about what could happen if we could offer a full-time staff to invest in the KCF community. we could really use some prayers that God will raise up an intern or staff out of this community to be a worker in the harvest that is happening there.

on your mark, get set...

2008-09-01T23:27:00.003-04:00

wednesday will mark the big kick off for yet another year of ministry at McMaster. all day wednesday is clubsfest, a day of plugging away at meeting new students, introducing our community and some of the things we do, hoping to see many of those faces return to us at large group, small group or our residence event. my hope even more, however, is that those faces turn into our new friends and members of our community that we can get to know more deeply and can witness their lives change as they engage their faith and follow Jesus during their time at university. it can sounds so cliche and cheesy, but it really is true.
tomorrow morning intervaristy staff and students are meeting to pray. this year i feel bold enough to ask for new students to join us, even though i don't feel prepared to actually know what to do with them when they come. i want to ask for the Holy Spirit to work powerfully but i am afraid that i won't have the energy to keep up.
if you are a praying person, please join us tomorrow morning in meeting with God for His input and sustainability for what lies ahead for our campus.

we're making the papers...

2008-07-16T12:02:00.003-04:00

i'm very overdue for an update so i'm going to take the easy route and redirect you to something someone else has written recently about the ministry at McMaster.

first, check out www.ivcf.ca and you will see a wonderful article about the transition that has been happening at MAC (entitled "from hanging out to reaching out.")

then you can check out www.ifesworld.org and read the exact same article (under the "latest news" feed, entitled canada: from hanging out to reaching out").

yes, it is exciting to share that stories of McMaster have gone global and are being shared on the website of the International Federation of Evangelical Students, an international organization that ministers to students.

while you are there, please check out other stories about the amazing things God is doing worldwide through students.

newsletter leftovers...

2008-06-02T16:14:00.007-04:00

the students who came to city/script this year had so many good things to say that i couldn't fit all their comments into one newsletter so i thought i would put some of the extra thoughts here for people to read. i hope you enjoy them.

This year was my third time studying Mark I. You'd think I would've known everything there was to know about it, but I definitely did not. What really stuck out to me was how the new and old interact. This was evident during our time in the city as well as in the text. I really enjoyed how Jesus changed things, but often out of the faith of others involved in the change. It was also important for me to see how Jesus began to include the Gentile community, those outside of the law, in the blessings that were being offered. ~ Danny

During this week God held up a mirror so that I could see my real self. It scared me, but God spoke in the most merciful way possible to me. I was give courage to not only change how I think, but also to face whatever He will ask me to do and trust that He will give me the strength to go through it as well.
The most important thing I got out of this week is that it's ok to be scared, but when you are don't choose to run away and allow fear to win, but instead turn to God and ask for His strength to overcome it. ~ Dorothea

The first thing that stuck out to me reading the first half of Mark was how Jesus always responded to people's needs. He was dedicated to his purpose of preaching and teaching, but when people desired healing from him he never turned them away--his response was always one of compassion, and he always gave those who sought him out even more than they came for. In the same way, with the feeding of the 5000 and the 4000, Jesus modeled to his disciples and tried to get them to understand that compassion and meeting people's needs is an integral part of their ministry (and ours). ~ Bethany

2008-06-02T16:12:00.001-04:00

click on the image for a larger view!

return from city/script

2008-05-18T12:34:00.006-04:00

i have just returned from two weeks of intense scripture study at our annual city/script event. this was my first year being present for 2 weeks (the first week i participated in a study of the second have of mark's gospel, the second week i co-taught a mark 1 study). as usual, it was an incredibly fruitful and refreshing time in community that has left me with a crazy mix of energy and exhaustion.
i felt challenged the first week as i went through mark 8.31-16.8 for my second time (the last time i studied it was 2005) as i was reminded of the humility, mercy, and grace that Jesus embodies. it is a story full of second chances, loving discipline, and acts of courage, faith, and failure. mark does a beautiful job of warning followers of Jesus to abandon the game of wordly greatness and choose the pursuit of real LIFE. at moments it felt like i was looking at the text for the first time but also with a knowledge of how good Jesus is to us as we lose life for his sake and the gospel, only to have it replaced with LIFE. it was also a reminder to continue letting go of the parts of the sub-par life i am still clinging to, knowing that there will be pain and suffering in the process.
the challenge of the second week was simply having the energy to engage deeply and lead students through the text. a week at city/script is draining enough and two weeks certainly required me to depend on God for strength and focus.
i am currently gathering stories from students about their experiences of the week to put together in a newsletter but for the time being, here are some of my personal highlights from the week (including a few pictures).

week 1 highlights:
- over 100 students and staff from across Ontario studying together in 5 studies (3 mark 1 studies, 1 mark 2 study, and 1 genesis study)
- 11 mcmaster students eagerly engaging in scripture study and developing deeper relationships with one another
- celebrating 2 birthdays (Danielle and Jen Han)
- fitting everyone from the conference on one city bus on our return from our night walk
- partnering with and being led by other staff from around Ontario.

week 2 highlights:
- joining with University of Toronto staff and students, and having 2 MAC students surprisingly join us for the week
- partnering with Nicky, my co-teacher for the week, for a second year of leading together (i think we get better at it each time...)
- watching the group build friendships with one another
- being recognized by the cafeteria staff and being able to have more conversation with them through the week

consider this a sign.

2008-03-30T17:37:00.001-04:00

the ice cream truck drove down our street today.
spring is coming...

all good things must come to an end.

2008-03-28T16:53:00.000-04:00

on wednesday this past week we had the last bible study with Korean Christian Fellowship for the year. i have really enjoyed being able to be with them every week, getting to know them better and seeing the trust build between us. they have so many fantastic leaders who just desire so greatly to follow Jesus and have their lives changed by them. i always feel very welcomed by their community and we are able to do some great studies because there is a huge openness in the room to learn.
over the month of march, we met weekly to study stories from Luke about encounters with Jesus during the early stages of his ministry. i always get blown away by the experience students have with Jesus as they study the encounters others have had with him. it impacts them in a way that they continue to find ways to encounter Jesus outside of the scriptures, as He acts on our campus.
i also enjoy how the group claps at the end of every study. makes me smile every time...

winter newsletter

2008-03-26T16:20:00.004-04:00

to read my latest newsletter, please click on the image to enlarge it (** note that none of the links will work. for more info about the city/script scholarship fund, please look at the previous post)

city/script 08!

2008-03-25T12:01:00.007-04:00

It is time again for the Ontario wide annual conference called city/script.

At city/script students will live together in Toronto, study the half of the gospel of Mark, and be exposed to issues of urban poverty. It is amazing to see what God does in the lives of students when they spend close to 8 hours a day studying the Bible and living in community. It is challenging to be exposed to the reality of urban poverty in Toronto by different ministries downtown. It is awesome to witness God transform the lives of students and staff by speaking into their lives, healing their brokenness, and challenging them to take risks for the gospel. It is hard to express how beautiful it was to see what God did last year at city/script.

Because of what God has done in the past we as staff have committed to getting as many of our students as we can to come to city/script this year. The conference is expensive, however, (it costs $460/student) and many students are not able to afford the full cost of the week. Hence, as staff, we have created a scholarship fund to help subsidize the cost for students who cannot afford to go.

How to partner with us

It is our hope that our supporters would join with us in sending students to city/script this year. We have been training students to fundraise for this event and have also set a goal to have 40 people give a gift of $25, $50, $100 or more in order to build a scholarship fund. We think this is a great opportunity for our partners in ministry, because it offers you the chance to invest directly in the life of a student. In addition, the McMaster community will also benefit tremendously because of the difference it makes in the lives of our students and the impact that will have on the campus.

If you are interested in being a part of this special opportunity, there are two ways you can give.

ONLINE:
You can make a donation online with your credit card

1. go to: www.ivcf.ca and choose the donor option. (or click here)
2. click on 'Make a Donation'
3. enter 'city script' in the search box
4. click on the result 'City/Script Bursaries'
5. follow the donation steps to the last step
6. on the last step there is a box for 'special instructions' - write in McMaster VCF

MAIL:

If you would rather mail in a donation, please e-mail me and I will happily send you information and a postage-paid gift envelope.

Thank you for your partnership and prayers for city/script 08!

february is short.

2008-03-04T12:40:00.005-05:00

february is a hard month for campus ministry. its a short month full of the blahs, reading week sends us all different directions and stress levels are high. i know for myself, my weekly routine was majorly disrupted by sickness, training and being away and i am only now feeling back in the swing of things.
i can not wait for warm weather. hamilton, in particular, is known for its overcast winter and i am just longing for some sunny days again. this is bittersweet, however, because with the warmer weather of summer comes a break in direct student ministry as classes are on hold for most until the fall. the focus of the next two months in the university world is solely on ending the semester.
even in our community, we are starting to focus on selecting leaders for the 2008-2009 school year, planning for city/script during the first week of may and students are busy trying to figure out their summer plans. in all of this, however, i do not want to miss out on the opportunities of the moment. there are still two good months of ministry to do this year, lots of great things happening in our small groups, great partnerships building between MAC VCF and MAC KCF (Korean christian fellowship) and with many relationships with non-believers on campus.
please pray that we (and me in particular) will have the right balance between the present and the future, living in the moment but also planning for the future. please pray also as we select leaders for the coming year, for a bible study series happening with KCF through march, that many students will register for city/script (check out the trailer below) and for peace on our campus as some tensions are running high between a few student clubs at the moment.

McBrockster retreat

2008-01-24T16:04:00.000-05:00

He also said, "This is what the kingdom of God is like. A man scatters seed on the ground. Night and day, whether he sleeps or gets up, the seed sprouts and grows, though he does not know how. All by itself the soil produces grain—first the stalk, then the head, then the full kernel in the head. As soon as the grain is ripe, he puts the sickle to it, because the harvest has come."
Again he said, "What shall we say the kingdom of God is like, or what parable shall we use to describe it? It is like a mustard seed, which is the smallest seed you plant in the ground. Yet when planted, it grows and becomes the largest of all garden plants, with such big branches that the birds of the air can perch in its shade." mark 4.26-32

it has been a few days since we have returned from the retreat and for the first time this week, i do not have meetings all afternoon so i thought i would update the old blog.
this weekend was a great experience, especially for a first time event partnering with students from the inter-varsity group at brock university. we packed out the camp, had great food, and were challenged by two parables about the Kingdom of God from the gospel of Mark. the part which stood out to me so greatly was the phrase "though he does not know how." in my experience, it has become painfully obvious that i do not know how the Kingdom moves forward. sometimes this is reassuring because then the responsibility to make it grow does not lie on me. other times, however, there are places i want to see it grow but can't do a darn thing about it.

i have enjoyed over the past few days, connecting with students as they wrestle with this concept that despite their best efforts, Kingdom growth outside of themselves is not in their control. participating with God in it requires great patience and trust and when we see the growth happen we can experience the joy of the seeds becoming ripe.

one week summary.

2008-01-14T15:51:00.000-05:00

we are now one week into the winter semester and there have been many great moments so far to share with you all. i am hoping to get a newsletter out this week, but here is something for you to read in the meantime.

we had a great welcome back party saturday night with a good turn out. it also served as a going away party for one of our students who is leaving in a week to study in Jerusalem for 6 months. it is a great opportunity for her but she will be greatly missed by our community.
yesterday we had a workshop for our student leaders about investing in others. we were blessed to have student leaders from Korean Christian Fellowship (KCF) join with us in a day of scripture study and discussion. i think being able to talk about how to invest in people will serve us well through this semester, as we have been building relationships with newer students that are just waiting to get deeper.

my favourite moment of the workshop came at the very end when students broke into groups to pray for one another and many groups prayed "Korean style," where everyone prays at the same time. since KCF has come under the care of Inter-Varsity, we have been trying to build a stronger connection with their students and that moment just served as a sign that it is moving forward.

this coming weekend is our retreat, which we are hosting along with Brock University. (partnership seems to be an ongoing theme this semester...) i am excited about the weekend because we have some great ideas for the teaching times and it is always just nice to get away for a while.

i also would like to witness to the fact that God is really good (and sneaky) about answering prayer. there have been many times (and will be many more times) so far this semester that i have just not felt able to do this ministry, either out of not understanding where to go next or not feeling capable of what is required for it but each time, in and through prayer, the Spirit has worked over-time to set things straight.
can i get an amen?

2008. year of the rat.

2008-01-04T14:38:00.000-05:00

happy new year everyone.

there are still 3 days left before students return to classes and i have started to prepare for all that is coming up this semester. after our reflection times with students at the end of exams, there seems to be an excitement and energy for God to be on the move this semester. last semester, our bible studies were the place where all the action was happening and i am excited to see what will continue to happen as students gather around the Word and live it out on campus. our student leadership team has decided to join the different small groups to continue investing in their fellow students and motivate people into action. although this is a very new structure for our community, it seems to be a move of great wisdom and has potential for great transformation.

just a quick summary of some things coming up this semester...
in january we will be joining students from Brock University for a winter retreat and our staff team will be working together to teach about different aspects of the Kingdom of God. at MAC we will also be joining up with other Christian clubs on campus for Christ @ MAC week, a week of unity in worship, prayer, evangelism and fun.
february means reading week and a time to catch up on all the reading and studying that has piled up in the first half of the semester.
by march, we will have chosen our leaders for the coming school year. the end of the semester will involve a lot of transition and vision casting as we prepare for the next steps of this ministry.
april, of course, means exams but will also be a time of preparation for city/script, a week long intensive study of the gospel according to mark that will happen the first week of may. it is my hope that we will have at least 10 students join us this year, as it is always a time of significant transformation as the Spirit changes hearts through scripture study.

please be praying for us as we begin this semester. there are many things that our leaders desire to see happen this semester and i know it will require great courage and faith to participate in this mission. pray that God will help us believe in moments of unbelief and that the Spirit will just work powerfully on our campus.

reflections in a snowstorm.

2007-12-16T10:31:00.000-05:00

it has been a week since i came home from national staff conference and i don't plan to head off to any other staff-related events for a while now. this semester i have been away quite frequently with fundraising, training and conferencing events so it is nice to look forward to be around for longer than a week, without being gone for a few days in between. all of the events were well worthwhile, but it is just nice to stay put, cook my own meals and sleep in my own bed.
staff conference overlapped with the first week of exams so it was a bit of a weird adjustment to come home and have everyone in full study mode. since the regular schedule has been put on hold until classes start again in january, this time has served greatly for some reflection on the past semester and where God is leading us next.
this semester boils down to one word: transition. we have been trying new things with our structure and our meetings together and every member of our staff team is serving in a new role, creating a lot of new situations for us to navigate our way through. at times this was difficult in being absent with staff events or in being afraid to be bold in the next steps we needed to take. in all of it, however, i have experienced a lot of joy as it is quite obvious that God is at work and drawing us into something that He himself is very active in. i feel that it is going to be costly, but anything worth doing always is.
there are now only 3 days of exams left and by thursday most students will have headed home for Christmas holidays. i am looking forward to having some down time so that i am physically and spiritually ready to step deeply into the places Jesus is taking us net semester.

a very dalewood christmas.

2007-12-10T10:56:00.000-05:00

the house i am currently living in is a bit of an experiment, taking staff, alumni, and students and trying to live in intentional community. here are some photos from our house Christmas celebration. we cut down our own tree, decorated the house, enjoyed a huge meal and finished off the day with a Christmas movie marathon.

please pray for us as we continue in this experiment into the new year. pray for myself, melody, robyn, kalinda, and hamilton. pray that we will grow closer to one another, learn more about community and draw others in as we live this out.

learning to follow.

2007-11-08T11:40:00.000-05:00

we're approaching the last of three weekends of Campus Tour (a major fundraising/educational event, check out www.campustour.ca if more info) and i am happy to see the end in sight. working on campus tour with the whole ontario staff team has been wonderful and it has been great to see many supporters enjoy the tour and get a better picture of what God is doing through this ministry but i am ready to focus my attention back to campus. for the past 2 months my time has been split between this and on-campus ministry and i feel like i haven't been able to do either one really well. i feel like i have just been doing just better than minimum for both.
campus life is thick with stress and tiredness from midterms, essays, sickness, and the growing reality of finals approaching quickly. without any classes in my own schedule this year, i must say i am enjoying this time of year much more than i have over the past 8 years. sometimes it makes me wonder how much the academic system actual impedes learning, but i don't want to open that discussion right at this moment.
what i've been learning of late is the balance between loving Jesus and loving his mission. as changes have been happening within our community, i think i have been struck by how there is actually a distinction between Jesus and the things we do to participate in his Kingdom. i have caught myself lately just focusing on the doing (or the lack there of) rather than the being. i have been doing many things for the Kingdom and in some of those things have not been with Jesus. this, of course, is not the way it is meant to be. Jesus has us participate in the Kingdom for the sake of being with him not because he is some glorified employer. the work serves as a way to learn more about him and our self. i want to be sure that i am loving Jesus first and that participating in his mission is a response to that love.
please continue praying for our community as we seek to be led by Jesus, loving him first as we participate in the work of his Kingdom.

thanks giving.

2007-10-09T21:49:00.000-04:00

once thanksgiving weekend is over, the typical student is fully in the school mindset. the long weekend often serves as the first goal of the year, the first moment of stopping to get out of the bubble that quickly forms around campus life. if you can make it to thanksgiving, you can last the whole year. after thanksgiving, you are locked in until april.

i know that i personally was pushing myself through september with the voice in my head (the good kind of voice) repeating "just get to thanksgiving" over and over. i made it. i am thankful for every second of it.

so far this year has been quite different than others in my ministry life, but one that has been quite fruitful and worthwhile. as i wrote in my last post, we had big changes happening. we overhauled large group, bringing it back to the basics of praying for God's leading. the community has been on board and willing to take the risks involved. it has been a time of asking Jesus if we can be a part of what he is doing on this campus. it has confirmed that he has been at work in our community, transforming students as they have opened themselves up to him. it has brought an anticipation of the Kingdom, building off what we have already seen but being so much greater.

please pray with us as we desire to see Jesus do some great things in the lives of people on campus (ours included). pray that we will have courage to extend ourselves to new people. pray that we will be willing to make sacrifices and count costs for participating in the Kingdom. and pray that we will see the big picture in all of it.

series premiere.

2007-09-23T21:31:00.000-04:00

with every intention to post more regularily on the blog, today is the day that i feel i have actually had the time and capacity to put some thoughts into words. it has been a real rush through the beginning of the school this year with many high and low points along the way and i sit here now writing with a heaping amount of mystery and vagueness about what will happen from this point forward.
having moved into a new house and a new role as of september 1, i was feeling quite unsettled and overwhelmed for the first 2 weeks. the learning curve was high but i knew i could manage. as we began our typical september activities, however, i was unsettled on a different level. i began to feel that as a community, we were settling for less, merely trying to recreate the way God worked last year. perhaps we felt that if we did the same things in the same way, God would follow suit.
my spirit told me no.
it is hard now to put into words, but the general sentiment was that we were trying to communicate the new thing in the old way. we were stuck in the rut of our structure. Jesus was at work on this campus and we needed to ask to be a part of it.
and so i came before our leadership team on friday and i explained to them all of my thoughts and interpretations on what i saw happening through our opening month and the fear i felt around us settling for less. i told them i thought we should cancel large group but had no idea what to do instead. the only answer i had was that we needed to gather and pray.
the weird thing is that i'm not that person. i pray and all but i have never felt so pushed to go to Jesus. i have never felt so unsure of the next step beyond asking Jesus to allow us to be a part of his harvest and take us to the field. it is very unsettling and extremely exciting.
i get nervous when i have to tell a student that i don't know what to do. i don't like that i am not sure which students will continue to stay with us as we enter into this time of significant (and spontaneous) transition. what i do know, however, is that it is worth the trouble. it is going to be costly, painful, mysterious, and unnerving, but it will probably be the best thing i will ever be a part of.
some of you will have written me off as crazy (believe me, i am right there with you), but please take this as a warning that you may hear some good stories over the next days, weeks, months about the Kingdom moving forward at MAC.
prayers are welcome. we'll be praying with you.

auld lang syne.

2007-09-04T22:36:00.000-04:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR! ok. so it isn't actually a new year but i think for most teachers, parents, steudents and anyone in the student industry, the day after labour day feels more deserving of a countdown to midnight than dec. 31st. i personally have never really liked this time of year (i think because of old childhood memories of the end of summer and returning to what felt like prison) but now that i am much less of a student i do enjoy all the possibility that lies ahead. as a community, MAC IV is just waiting for new people to come and see who we are and if this is where they will find a new home.
there are so many details and meetings and events but all of it is about welcoming people, extending ourselves in relationship and seeing who responds. please pray for us through the next month, that we will have the energy and compassion for all these new faces and the stories they bring to our community. pray that we will see the Kingdom continue to develop and that our hearts will remain open to God doing great things in and through us.

on vacation.

2007-08-03T14:31:00.000-04:00

whoever invented the vacation deserves to win a nobel peace prize. i don't think i have been on a real vacation since the ninth grade (which was the worst family vacation i have ever been on) and i must say, VACATIONS ARE AWESOME!

i am so blessed to have great friends who lent me their cottage for 5 days up in beautiful minden, on. a number of friends were able to come and stay part of the time while i was there and we enjoyed good food and fun times together. highlights included the people, the food, paddle boating, sunsets, the food, playing games (yes, even i had fun playing games...), campfires, good books to read, and the food. even getting completely lost in the woods with zeb for over an hour and a half was somewhat enjoyable, mostly when we found our way out though. i feel well rested and relaxed now as things slowly build up to september when everything will get very busy again.

i will definitely be taking vacation annually, now that i have a taste for them. hope these pictures make you feel like you were there with us (click on the images for a larger view).

yes, i actually got into a canoe on my own choosing...

did i mention we had awesome food?

laura and julia

zeb and i lost in the woods

zeb and t after the game

dave and hamilton stopped by on their day off

cheryl and i the last morning

the world is in hamilton...

2007-07-12T11:33:00.000-04:00

i just got back from our annual NVEST conference and i'm exhausted. while the humidity sucked the life out of me, the conference was fortunately putting it right back in. our conference was put on the front end of the World Assembly conference for the International Fellowship of Evangelical Students (IFES), which is the meeting of student ministry workers from around the world. it is currently happening right here in hamilton at redeemer university, and it has been quite the experience so far.

we were privileged to hear from the regional directors of a number of different areas of the world, where student ministries are having a signifcant impact on campuses but also on cities, countries and continents. there has been a great deal of partnership between the canadian intervarsity movement and other student movements around the world and it is really inspiring to hear how we are all working together in building the Kingdom.

since coming home, i have been giving my full effort to fundraising and meeting my new budget goal. it is weird that after hearing this huge big picture vision for student ministry globally, i have suddenly gained a new energy for the local picture. i realized that the amazing stories that i have heard from around the world can happen at MAC too. i know that i need to put in this effort so i can continue to be involved in this ministry and finances won't pull me away from it again as they did in the fall.

stay tuned for the stories of how Jesus is going to pull this off...

100!

2007-06-29T15:03:00.000-04:00

this is my 100th post on cole's notes and i am so happy that it is one telling you all great news. this actually happened last week but due to technical problems (ie. computer viruses) i am only now able to post that i have found a house to move into for the fall. i wasn't looking very long but it seemed so drawn out because there were just so few places that fit what we were looking for in a house. patience paid off, however, because the house we got is a palace compared to all the other tiny, underground, caves that i saw (and lived in for the last 2 years). finding nice student housing is always tough because many landlords don't really hold the bar too high in terms of living standards. every room possible is turned into a bedroom, leaving no space for people to actually live in. i've seen 7 bedrooms in the tiniest of houses so to find a house with a big common room, nice kitchen and even an extra bedroom for a guest room/office, i knew that it was the right one. unfortunately, so did another group but after an intense day and a half, Jesus got us this house and the lease has been signed.
it feels really cheesy and somewhat shallow at times to just say Jesus provided us with this house but i know on the deepest level, that's really the only reason we have it. there is so much about this house that i can just see has the 'jesus stamp of approval' on. i could go into the whole story, which i think is very dramatic and covered with divine intervention but due to the number of blank and frankly disappointed faces i have seen after sharing it in person, i feel it won't have as great an impact as it did on me. we all have those stories and moments that we know we have felt Jesus intervene and no one else seems to get it. well, i'm not going to lose sleep over it but just know that God did something good last week.
i will be moving in September so be sure to stop by for a visit. the more the merrier (since we actually have the space to put them...)

fallen trees and jesus candles...

2007-06-17T22:22:00.000-04:00

i'm a little tardy on getting a post-planning weekend post up, but i figured better late than never. the short story is we had a great time. the long story isn't really much longer but to make this more interesting, i will give a little more info about the happenings of the weekend.

the weekend started off with a bit of a panicked phone call telling us that the power had gone out because of a huge storm and no one was sure when it would be coming back. after a quick stop to pick up some candles, like a bunch of troopers, the team was still game to head out to turkey point to make the best of it. when we arrived, there was a very large tree uprooted on the lawn of the cottage we were staying at (which turned out to be the newest tourist local for most weekend visitors) and we heard a wonderful testimony from the neighbour that God had saved both his car and his house from getting crushed. amen.

the first night we spent some good quality time by candle light. it was pretty relaxed as most people were very tired from a week at work. the following morning, some of us woke up to laura's dad cutting up the tree that had fallen the day before and cleaning up the whole mess in like 30 minutes. i was fully impressed. after admiring a job well done, we spent the rest of the day in scripture and forming a vision for our ministry this coming school year. we studied a passage from luke 10 and felt called to be a community of hospitality on campus, extending ourselves in relationship to others and waiting to see how Jesus would work through them.

we got power back around 5:30pm, which was great because the cooler wasn't going to last much longer and i certainly didn't want food poisoning (although it would be a great bonding moment) to be one of our lasting memories for the weekend.

day two was focussed on planning events and talking about what we would need to do to be more hospitable at large group, in small groups and in our homes. while we didn't get too much set in stone, we have some good brainstorming done and creative thoughts on how to welcome new comers in the fall. we were also able to take the afternoon off (for any old school mac IV leadership team people, you may be outraged at this thought because we always said it couldn't be done. well, turns out it can, but only because of all the sacrifices you made, and its awesome) and we headed to the beach.

sunburnt and bonded, we ended on the third day with a commissioning time after our brunch as the staff prayed for each student and the team as a whole, asking for them to be sent out just as Jesus sent out the 72 as we read luke 10. i am anticipating some big things happening in the fall as it seems tat Jesus is at work already in the lives of these students.

it was a great challenge for me to enter into this weekend in a new role, having to take on different responsibilities and really having no idea what the "right" thing to do is. i am continuing to pray that God will just work through it all and that we will consistently acknowledge that it is His ministry and always will be.

time flies...

2007-06-06T10:19:00.000-04:00

in just a few days we will be heading to turkey point for our planning weekend. it is so hard to believe that this time has already arrived but with the amount of prep i have to do this week, i am feeling it. may was much busier for me than in years past and we are already a week into june. so crazy.

to give you the quickest updates on what i did through may, i have been working on fundraising, leading a weekely bible study with students who are kicking around Hamilton for the summer, i took a one week intensive course on genesis and i have been helping friends fix-up their backyard. all of those things have been going well. the yard fix-up did a number on my old muscles but they are healing nicely and the yard is better for it.

now all my attention is focussed on this upcoming weekend. it has been exciting/strange planning for it because it seems like our time together will be so much more relaxed than i am used to. back in the days of being a student leader myself, the planning weekend meant 4 days of intense, non-stop discussion, and the only breaks we took were for meals (short ones) and sleeping. this year, we are getting together for 2 1/2 days and have planned to take a whole afternoon off together for a little beach excursion. the reason why this is possible, in my opinion, is because our leaders are coming into this weekend with such a strong sense of the vision of our ministry so we won't have to spend hours trying to figure it out. only one student has not studied the first half of the gospel of mark (a huge foundation for our vision) which starts us off at an amazing point that usually we don't reach until december. God has been so active in transforming students over the last 3 years that now we have to make some major changes to our visioning and planning process, which i don't mind doing at all but i really don't know what the new thing should be. this year's planning weekend will be experimental in some ways (hopefully without major explosions) but that seems to have been the theme for this ministry over the last couple of years and God has always showed up to pull us through...why would he stop now?

if you can remember, please pray for us as we are meeting this weekend. we will be planning for the first semester and need an openness to be creative and imaginative with events but not hold too tightly to them so that we forget about the people that they are for. also, pray that the team will continue to bond. it has been quite a while since we have all been together and we will have some catching up to do. lastly, please pray that we will be sensitive to the Holy Spirit and be open to the ways God wants to transform us during the year and not just focus on other's needs for growth.

come and see...

2007-05-13T22:45:00.000-04:00

tonight i had a prep meeting with a student who will be helping me lead the summer bible study which is really the only sort of program MAC IV has going over the summer. the theme for our study is 'encounters with Jesus' and we are starting off with the first disciples interacting with Jesus as they decide to follow him. the phrase "come and see" comes up twice and seems to be a significant part of discovering who Jesus actually is.
what stood out most to me in our prep, however, was this student agreeing that "coming and seeing" was a big part of his own growth over the last year. there are things about Jesus that really don't make sense until you go and find him for yourself. there are ways that he works that require us to say yes to before we really know what it is we signed on for. and for this student, he is starting to see others come to Jesus in the same way because he has invited them to "come and see."
i hope this trend continues...

back to reality...

2007-05-08T23:14:00.000-04:00

so i am now back from city/script and it feels like summer has officially begun. i decided that i needed to take today off after a very intense week at city/script. having to put energy into both teaching and being a staff worker was quite a push but i have arrived at the end a little surprised that i can still walk. most people have pointed out that my ability to speak english has suffered (although i wasn't all too fluent to begin with) but i am sure getting some good sleep over the next week will get that all sorted out.

just to summarize the week, studying scripture = good, experiencing the city = good, Jesus = very good, the food = mostly greasy. i hope to write more about the week after i get a chance to process it for myself as well as do the rounds to catch up with students who were there. the one thing about teaching is that you don't have much time to actually be a staff worker so i feel like i still have a lot to hear from people about what Jesus was/is doing in their hearts.

now that i am back, i decided to start putting the book of Mark into action right away and i have started to explore my new neighbourhood. the weekend before city/script, i moved from west hamilton (close to campus) into hamilton's north end to live with some friends for the summer. the north end is an interesting neighbourhood as it is composed mostly of low income families and is currently under the pressure of being regentrified in response to development of the harbour front. it is truly on 'the other side of the tracks' being north of downtown, which faces problems of its own.

i walked along barton st. which is home to a prison, a hospital, and a shockingly low number of tim hortons (i counted only one between john st. and sherman st. ... i thought this was hamilton?). there are also probably 4 empty store fronts for every full one and an obvious 'ghost town' feel to the whole area. my oma is always telling me stories of back in the day when my opa and her would join friends of theirs to go shopping along barton but it is far from that picture today.

it is a place deemed "unclean," to use Mark terminology, and i am hoping that through the summer i can look deeper to see how Jesus is in there cleaning it up and restoring the people who live here.

look closer...

2007-05-04T14:40:00.000-04:00

well we are officially at the half way point in our week at city/script and so far things have been just great. although we are not close to the half way mark in the text, it has been an overwhelming week of seeing Jesus and ourselves in a new way. our study group has been interacting with one another really well and is engaged in the process of observing, interpreting and applying the book of Mark to their lives.
as i have been co-teaching the study this year, i have felt so challenged and incompetent but God is definitely at work among us. i am co-teaching i am trying to process all of it (and hope to write more as i do) but from this point, there is a great deal of mystery in how this is all piecing together.
we are heading out into the city tonight to 'observe' it from a new angle. it has been a very significant event in the past and i am anticipating that it will be again this year. it is amazing how much you just never saw before, both in scripture and in life, that if you just take the time to look you will see for the first time...

speeding toward the stop light...

2007-03-21T22:57:00.000-04:00

the end of the year is in sight. in many ways, it is a huge sigh of relief for all the hard work that students have put into classes this semester. for me today, however, it feels a little sad that we're approaching the summer and regular campus life will change for 4 months. it is great to have the beautiful warm weather and the lighter schedule with more outdoor meetings, but in many ways i feel that there is such a great momentum for what is happening within our community that i wish we had a couple more months to see this thing out. i know it will pick up again in the fall but i just wish i had a better way of keeping us moving all together through the summer months.
i hope that city/script can play a bigger role in that this year. we are hoping to have at least twice as many students as last year attend and it serves as a great foundation to build things off of. i guess i'm just feeling that there is so much that God is doing, and so much more that can happen and it feels like it has a false ending right now because people will be heading separate ways for the summer. if only i could offer everyone a summer job so they could stay around campus for the summer. time to open a factory...

same old new beginning...

2007-03-12T23:09:00.000-04:00

on saturday we had our first meeting with the incoming student leadership team for next year. i really enjoyed our day together studying some scripture and getting to know each other. there are only 1 or 2 students that i don't know very well on the team but it was exciting to see them all interact and start to bond as a team.
they all seem a little nervous and a little uncertain but they are definitely eager to get started. this is a common characteristic i have seen in each of the leadership teams i have worked with (this being #4). soon it will hard to believe they were even strangers. the jokes will fly, the trust will hopefully be strong, and i pray that God will be working miraculously through them on campus and in each other's lives.

sight to see...

2007-03-07T14:55:00.000-05:00

walking on campus, i saw two unfamiliar sights. first, there were geese crossing the road. second, there were people smiling.
we've hit that time of year in the university calendar when reading week has passed and everyone is just waiting for exams to be over. it is so easy to just get caught up in the routine of campus and forget what the rest of the world is like. that's why geese become such a big deal. it quickly becomes noticable how campus only represents a small portion of life. don't get me wrong, our campus is very diverse, with people of all different backgrounds, beliefs, and lifestyles. there are just a lot of adults (or people striving to be adults) who seem to have convinced themselves that academia is the most important part of life. throw in a goose or two and you get a response from people that reminds you they are people. watch a child walk around campus and they will suddenly become the most imporant person there, and everyone is aware of their presence.
i too am hoping that exams are over soon (mostly because that means the weather will be warmer) but i hope we don't miss out on life in the meantime.

auto-pilot...

2007-02-13T23:12:00.001-05:00

so i think i'm starting to get the point. there has just been story after story i've heard lately about how Jesus is changing people's lives on our campus and i am finally understanding that i have no control over it. the last few weeks have just brought so many moments and accounts of the mysterious work of the Kingdom it is oozingly obvious that i had nothing to do with it.
case in point, my small group.
last week i had three days of staff training and left robyn, the student i co-lead bible study with alone to lead our group. we were both nervous about it because she had some frustrating experiences leading so far this semester so leading alone didn't appeal to her at all. the amazing thing though is that Jesus loves weakness (not in a twisted way) but he totally steps in to help those who realize they just can't do it without him. chatting with robyn we i got back, it was so obvious that she had experienced Jesus being with her at our small group and her excitement for our small group was overwhelming. i still get a huge goofy smile on my face when i think about it now (and i feel like kind of a geek when people ask me while i am smiling...)
realizing the power Jesus has to change things and people that i just can't has been a hard but very freeing lesson to learn. i keep wanting to take control back into my own hands (i think i know all the answers after all) but i'm slowly learning it is better for me to have as little control as possible.
we're heading into reading week next week and once we all return from that, the year will just sail through to the end. perfect timing for me to hand over control...

strangest thing someone has ever eaten in class...

2007-01-29T15:45:00.000-05:00

today in history a girl brought a candy apple to snack on.

where does someone buy a candy apple on campus?

how does someone decide a candy apple is the best snack choice for a university class?

i mean, a caramel apple i would totally understand because those things are delicious but a candy apple is a whole different story.

retreating to the city...

2007-01-28T18:42:00.000-05:00

yesterday we held our first ever one-day winter conference in the place of our classic winter retreat and i am so glad we decided to make the change. the day was unbelievable on so many levels and i think really came in line with who we are as a community right now and where we are headed in our ministry.

we held our conference at the frwy cafe, a small cafe in downtown hamilton run by a salvation army church plant. the cafe itself is located in the beasley neighbourhood, which is one of canada's poorest nieghbourhoods (third to be exact after regent park in toronto and vancouver's downtown eastside). it was an awesome space for a morning of scripture study, where we dug into isaiah 58 (check it out for yourself) and opened our hearts to the fast God desired Israel to engage in. after our study, we headed out into groups for lunch in the nieghbourhood and had a couple questions to think about this neighbourhood. it was an eye opening experience. sometimes it really shocks me to think that this nieghbourhood is only a 15 minute bus ride away from the MAC campus because it feels like a whole different world. pernell, the pastor of frwy, helped us to debrief our afternoon out in the city and shared his own experience of living in this neighbourhood.

after dinner we sat around and discussed how we could apply this to our campus, specifically thinking of those students who are in first year, living in residence. the discussion was encouraging as people began to see the 'homelessness' of sorts that exists on our own campus and how we can begin sharing our lives with others who feel displaced or marginalized at the university.

we ended the day off with a coffeehouse and good old fashioned hang out time. it was great to have students so involved in all aspects of the day, participating in scripture study and discussions, interacting in the nieghbourhood, and sharing their talents and lives with one another. the day for me had such a redemptive element and promise to us as staff and the community.

we went out on a limb with a number of different changes to our structure this year (the conference being just one of them) without really knowing what would happen but each time God has continued to reveal Himself to us and it is just awe inspiring. we have had to be so dependent on Him through these changes and while it really never ends up looking the way i expect it to, Jesus NEVER fails us.

diet of worms...

2007-01-22T17:52:00.001-05:00

january is just slipping away and i can't believe that it is already the 22nd. i forgot how busy things are when i am actually involved on campus. meetings with students, meetings with staff, meetings with supporters, visioning and planning for upcoming events, prepping teaching stuff...all this makes a month feel like a week.
i had dinner with some friends from undergrad a little over a week ago and i got some good feedback on this blog. one friend said 'your blog used to be good.' hmm...thanks. apparently my postings here sound a little too businessy and not enough like me so i am going to try to remedy that. let's hope the problem isn't that i actually am more businessy (or is it businessie?) than i used to be.
today in my history class we learned about the Diet of Worms. it was a strong reminder of how important it is to pay attention in class because it took a while for me to realize that this was not actually about what Martin Luther ate in his excommunication but that it is actually written in german. Diet of Worms in english is much different than deet of vorms, as it is is pronounced in german.

new year, new goal...

2007-01-04T11:48:00.000-05:00

classes started yesterday and i am making my triumphant return to campus! that's right, in true God fashion, He was faithful to provide the funding i needed to reach my halftime goal and i can now return to messing in the lives of students. i must admit, it came just in time because i was starting to go crazy spending most of my week fundraising. don't get me wrong, the meeting with people part of fundraising is great but for someone like myself who is administratively challenged, the letter writing and number crunching is less than ideal.
the fundraising is not over, however, since i am now convinced that full-time staff (and a full-time budget) is what God is calling me to. this NEEDS prayer.

a tiny post-urbana thought...

2007-01-03T00:06:00.000-05:00

i am back safe and sound after a week in st. louis for URBANA and i am just starting to feel settled from how overwhelming the whole experience was. there were 22, 000 people representing roughly 130 nations, all coming together to find God's calling for their life. it meant standing in a lot of long lines, but i survived.
there is so much that i am still processing from the whole experience but i know that it has changed me and many others and i can only imagine the difference this will have on our campus. the good conversations with students have only just begun and the majority have realized how uncomfortable they are with being comfortable and they are ready for God to make drastic change in their lives. i can work with this...
stay tuned for more urbana thoughts over the month.

countdown is on...

2006-12-19T13:11:00.000-05:00

in just one week, i will be boarding a plane for st.louis, missouri (with a breif layover in chicago) for urbana. it will be my first time at urbana so i am not sure what exactly to expect but from what i have heard from others, it should be quite the experience. i am mostly looking forward to it because my role there will be as a small group leader for 4 MAC students while we study ephesians together. it will be so nice to have some good quality time with students having been absent from campus this semester, especially studying scripture together. after studying ephesians with staff this summer, i am anticipating that it will be an amazing experience for students and i am excited to see what will develop on our campus and in the lives of students.
if you remember, please pray for those heading to urbana, that we will be open to God and what He may have to say to us while we are there.

let the exams begin...

2006-12-05T19:47:00.000-05:00

today was the first day of no more classes (making yesterday the last day of classes) and the vibe around campus and the student neighbourhoods already feels different. the huge snowfall last night certainly helped create a holiday mood around here but most people i chat with seem happy that the end of the semester is nearing.
a lot of people find exam time is stressful but it seems more managable to me because you don't have to attend lectures and hand in assignments and essays, while trying to fit in study time. it will be a great time for me to catch up with students that i haven't seen all semester and to put in that last push for fundraising so i can return (triumphantly) to campus in january.
i have one take home keeping me from finishing up my semester. i was hoping to get it done nice a early so i wouldn't have to have it hanging over my head for the next week but that is proving harder than i thought.

christmas party curcuit...

2006-12-02T01:18:00.000-05:00

tonight was the MAC IV christmas party. the traditional banquet in a church hall idea was scrapped this year and replaced by a house party and i fully support this decision. the whole thing seemed less formal and stuffy and people really seemed to just enjoy hanging out, spreading some good cheer.
it was nice to be able to catch up with some students i haven't seen all semester since i have been focusing on fundraising. it confirms my desire to return to campus. i really miss being a part of the every day stuff and feeling like i know what is going on in people's lives. focusing on my fundraising now will ensure that i will be able to do this long term but i just wish i could have both at the same time.
our small group will be meeting tomorrow night for the last time this semester too. i have to get my favourite christmas treat ready to share with everyone. so many options to choose from...

middle of november...

2006-11-18T12:00:00.000-05:00

i am way overdue for a posting and november has just been packed so there will be plenty to write. the month started out with a history paper for me (first time to the library all year) and since then i can't account for how fast time seems to be going. this is going to be a long one so get comfortable.

i was invited to speak at wilfred laurier's large group on the 8th and had a great time hanging out with the students there. i taught about the ongoing process of learning about Jesus and they were a real chatty bunch when it came to small group discussion time. sometimes it feels like a cross-cultural experience going on to a different university campus because although the university context is one i am quite experienced with, laurier students are very different than mcmaster students when i comes to certain things. it isn't that one is better than the other but i'll just tell you, schools can be different. i also had a chance to visit with dana and andrew, intervarsity staff at laurier, and andrew's wife, kim and their brand new baby girl, eliyah. she is very cute and has a crazy head of hair which i am pretty sure is a little baby wig.

the following friday i spoke at the WAKE youth event in ingersoll, ON. i was invited to this event by my very own youth leaders from back in vankleek hill, doug and patsy brown. i had dinner with them and their daughter chelsey, who i remembered as being 8 but now is in grade 10 (felt a little old in that moment). it was so nice to catch up with them and to see them continue to invest time and energy into this youth at their church, just as they did for me back in the day. i realized how thankful i am for their time and their energy and how it has totally contributed to me being in ministry.

i went straight from ingersoll up to ontario pioneer camp to join the youth from forestview church in oakville for their fall retreat. this is the church that planted the church that i am currently attending (forestview hamilton) so it was great to be able get to know some people from our "sister" church. i taught about 'faithfully improvising God's story' and i think it went over fairly well. it was definitely a large topic to tackle in one weekend but my hope is that the youth will continue to think about it and talk with their leaders as they decide to be a part of building the kingdom. better luck next time to team wignall. we might have gotten last place but that doesn't mean we don't have any spirit.

i spent wednesday to friday of this week at five oaks retreat centre near brantford, ON with other ontario staff for some training time. the chairs were a little uncomfortable and the building we slept in reminded me of a retirement home. it was more relaxing than i thought, having already been away from home for a week, and i enjoyed catching up with staff from around the province.

so now it is the middle of november and i am back to work on fundraising. we had planned to have a thank you reception for our supporters but decided to postpone it because it seems to be a busy time of year for many and a number of people were not able to attend. i'll be starting to figure out the details for the rescheduled event as well as try to get the last bit of my fundraising in so i can return to campus in january. if you think of it, please pray that the money needed will be provided.

wanted: answers...

2006-10-31T16:10:00.000-05:00

i feel like a big breakthrough has happened. this week at bible study, one student admitted 'i don't get it,' and the rest of the room agreed with him. i am co-leading a small group with a student on monday nights and we are working through the first half of the gospel of mark. up to this week, we've had a lot of the introduction stuff, building up to starting to see Jesus' real identity. we know he has been preaching, healing various diseases and casting out demons but now we're getting into more descriptive stories of actual healings (the leper and the paralytic) and the questions coming up are awesome.

i am really encouraged that people feel comfortable to admit they don't understand and are working together to try and figure out what the text is saying aout Jesus. it is a little painful at times because i see how much they want to get it but the answers just don't come immediately.

i find it hard to lead in moments like this because i want to just tell them the answer but half the time i don't have an answer myself and i know that the process of seeking an answer can be an meaningful as finding the answer itself. i am also having a hard time assessing how we are doing in the big picture because i have only ever done the mark study in one-week intensive sessions. doing on one passage a week is a big change.

i was encouraged this week too by a number of students and especially those in my small group being very eager to pray for my fundraising because they want me to be back on campus. it is nice to know i am missed and i strongly agree with them that i need to get back on to campus.

if you have time and think of it, i would appreciate your prayers for Jesus to provide the money i need to meet my budget for this year.

then and now...

2006-10-30T13:10:00.000-05:00

well i must say that the gang at 15 hollywood did an excellent job pulling together their hallowe'en party on saturday night (complete with haunted basement). i know that it was a bit of a concern for some because it would be one of the first times that they have been at a party with their non-Christian friends. i think many had the worst-case-scenario in mind but it was a kickin' good time. definitely the funniest story i heard from the night was a girl dressed like a crayon was accidentally dropped when a guy tried to write his name in the air with her. she's totally fine and the mental picture is too funny. it was of course a costume party and no one was allowed in the door without a costume. i went as myself at age 5, which expresses why i hate costumes so much.

definitely a lot cuter in a dog suit when i was little but good to know i still got the frown down pat. got some good laughs at the party.

not easy, but great...

2006-10-26T13:18:00.000-04:00

teaching at large group went well last night. i spoke on a passage from the gospel of mark where peter and the disciples identify Jesus as the Messiah for the first time and Jesus teaches them what the Messiah and what a disciple of the Messiah really looks like. all in all, i learned that Jesus taught it isn't going to be easy but it is going to be great.
there were so many new people, probably the most since the first week of the semester. having not been there for a while, i wasn't sure if it was just that i was the new person but others told me that there were a greater number of new people than usual. it was great to see. it was also great because people seemed really receptive to me while i was speaking. some even laughed at my jokes, which is great because 1. people never used to laugh while i spoke, 2. it wasn't my funniest of material, 3. it helps the ego a little bit. what was even more fantastic was that i didn't notice any of the new people sitting by themselves and people were trying to get to know them. this is a huge step in a lot of ways for our community and it is so encouraging to see people starting to step up and make a difference.
i am still trying to figure out a halloween costume idea for the party one of the student houses is throwing on saturday night. the deadline is quickly approaching so i will have to find a costume stat...

reminded of the goal...

2006-10-24T19:45:00.000-04:00

over the last week, i have had a number of wonderful conversations with people about life. and like real life stuff. focussing more on fundraising this semester has left me with a little 'good conversation' withdrawl, but my cheating this week and making time to meet with a few students was definitely worth it. i need to figure out how to pray for my fundraising to come in so i can get back onto campus and doing the things i really love doing (and may i note, i am way better at than fundraising...i'm just saying).
i am teaching tomorrow night at large group so that means i get to sneak in some visits there too. i don't want to make it sound like i am under house arrest until i reach my budget goal but it is more that i have put really strict boundaries around what i am doing because i really need to get this fundraising done and that won't happen unless i focus most of my attention on it. the goal of finishing it by december is still relatively realistic, so i am happy about that.
on another note, i totally bombed a quix today in ethics that i didn't study for. i only recieved the text book for the class last week (ordering online works by its own calendar) so being half way through the semester before i feel lost is not a bad run.

the good old days...

2006-10-22T14:37:00.000-04:00

i had dinner with some friends who used to kick around MAC back when i was a student and we had a great time catching up and remembering the old days. it is hard sometimes to believe where MAC IV was just 3 years ago and to see the tremendous growth God has been spurring on for our vision and ministry. it isn't that the old days were bad, God was still at work but i feel so priviledged to be able to still be around to see the transformation happening on campus.
maybe you are all thinking i use the word transformation way too much but i have a very limited vocabulary and it is the only word i can think of to express what i have experienced. people are very changed from the time i first meet them to the time i see them graduate and the best way i have to describe that is transformation. intervarsity does not give commission each time i mention it...

reunite!

2006-10-16T15:41:00.000-04:00

this past weekend was the LIT reunion and what a reunion it was. i am yet again amazed by the amount of energy a teenager can exert when they are motivated to. after the first evening of high pitched "i-missed-yous!" and "your-hair-is-so-cools," the excitment calmed down a little and everyone seemed to really enjoy being able to hang out and chat together once again. we had some great teaching/worship/discussion times and i hope that it was a good weekend for many of the LITs to reflect on how their faith has grown or not grown since they returned to school.
i was really encouraged to see many of the staff come for the weekend and continue to invest in LITs they first met in the summer.
as usual, i came back from the retreat being a lot more tired than when i left but it was definitely worth it.

post-retreat thoughts...

2006-10-03T23:20:00.000-04:00

well, i had quite a good time on the retreat this weekend. we were fortunate enough to have alison siewert come and speak for our community this weekend. she spoke mostly of Jesus and how different people responded to him (pharisees, the sick, the disciples). i am always amazed that i often can't get enough of Jesus. he's like an onion...so many layers. i'll save the details of the retreat for my newsletter, so you don't have to read the same stories twice.
i had a great conversation today with the student team leader, rebecca. i miss having regular conversations with students since i have been focussing on fundraising. i was so encouraged to listen to her speak about what she has been learning through the semester so far. i also feel like i can actually say i see how she has been transformed by God in the process. it was good timing too as i have been feeling a little discouraged lately because i feel disconnected from the day-to-day of campus life. it is this stuff that i miss the most because it is so exciting to be a part of.

funding update...

2006-09-25T22:14:00.000-04:00

i just wrote a long post on how fundraising has been going, but apparently it didn't publish properly so this is my second attempt. fundraising has started to pick up after a long waiting period of trying to set up appointments with people to tell them more about partnership opportunities. it has been a while since i focussed this much on fundraising and i forgot how much it is half hard work, half waiting. i'm also remembering how much i need to be dependent on God for it all to happen. looking at the numbers of what i need to raise and realizing that some how i need just over $7000 to come in before i can be back on campus is so daunting. but then again, God has pulled off bigger miracles so i just need to wait and see how he will provide it.
i am also working on a thank you reception of sorts for supporters. i haven't done anything significant for supporters since i have come on staff so i am excited to have an event to show how much i appreciate them. i'll give out more details as i know them...

prayer requests...

2006-09-25T13:18:00.000-04:00

please pray for our fall retreat coming up this weekend (sept.29-oct.1). we are hoping that many of the new students who have been interested in IV so far will come out and start to get to know others and feel welcomed into our community. alison siewert will be speaking this weekend...she does a lot of the staff training for IV staff and i am sure will share a message that is in line with the vision that our student team has developed for this year. we are also starting up our small groups next week. i am really excited about them this year because we have invested a lot more in our small group leaders and given them good training for leading a small group. i am afraid, however, that there just isn't a desire to study scripture in our community and that they won't be well attended. please pray that people will act on even the smallest interest in joining a group and that God will reveal himself to them as they study his word.

churchy churcherson...

2006-09-15T11:45:00.000-04:00

i had a great conversation with my pastor chris today about genesis 3 and the gender issues that result because of the man and the woman choosing to be independent from God. it was quite refreshing on so many levels but i think the best part about it was that i actually have a pastor that i can sit down and chat about stuff like this with. ever since i started university, i never really felt settled in a church. it has only really been in the last 5 months since i started going to forestview that i really have felt i was worshipping in a church i that "fit" in. i always had intervarsity as a community to worship with but it is nice to find it beyond campus too.

it isn't all roses and ice cream though as the church is just freshly planted and is currently experiencing some uncertainties around the future if there isn't some significant growth in the coming months. i would hate to see the church have to fold because i feel so blessed having found it and know that God is there each week with us. it is just hard to understand sometimes how God works in this...feeling He is there but not knowing how long the church can last in the state it is in. i must admit i feel it is impossible for me to bring in all the people i feel need to be a part of what is happening, but i know that i merely need to have faith that God can pull this off. some days that is easier than others...

in other news, there are some crickets that have taken up residence in my window well making falling asleep a little bit more of a challenge than usual.

let the welcoming continue...

2006-09-11T13:47:00.000-04:00

it seems as though welcome week has once again been a success with many happy people feeling welcomed to campus. this year i wasn't really involved in any of the welcome week events but it sounds like the LT has been encouraged by how it went. the real welcoming happens through this whole month as we start up wednesday night large groups, small groups, and have the fall retreat. tonight we have a new student bbq (which i still have to grab groceries for...) and i am hoping to see some hungry and interested students.
sometimes this is a very conflicting time of year because it seems as though everything is a competition between the numerous christian groups on campus (and in the city) to win over new students to join our community. i don't want to feel like i am a marketer but i really want people to know about the great things i see God doing in our community and how they could be a part of that. i think the hardest part to trust is that there are other good things happening outside of intervarsity. the university experience can make or break someone's faith and it is hard to watch someone choose to be independent from God in this time. i'm just praying that God will be at our bbq's and people will be interested in that more than free food...

home sweet home...

2006-09-04T00:36:00.000-04:00

well i am back in the hammer. i have been home since yesterday afternoon and i am pretty sure that i have been awake an equal number of hours as i have been asleep since returning. i also realized that my maid didn't show up all summer and the house is a disgusting mess. oh wait...i don't have a maid. the cleaniness of this place right now rivals that of the yukon, my summer home, which gets cleaned twice a year it seems, once at the beginning of the summer before i arrive (or so i am told) and once at the end of the summer before i leave. my hamilton home seems to be getting the same treatment.
as of tomorrow i will be back in the swing of campus life with the first team meeting of the semester. although i won't be spending much time with the leadership team this semester because my time will be focused on fundraising, i decided to drop in to find out what is happening for this first month and to let them know that i will try my best to support them as much as i can without being physically present each week. this is new for me and i am sure it will take a lot of time to adjust but i know that focussing on the fundraising right now is for the best in the long run.
i am actually looking forward to fundraising (don't tell anyone i said that) and feel that i can get a little creative with it over the next few months. i totally realize that fundraising reminds me of how dependent i need to be on God (which turns out to be a good thing, or so it says in genesis). i am looking forward to what i will learn through the whole process and hopefully seeing God work in miraculous ways to bring in the final finances to meet my budget as well as working toward increasing my budget so i can increase my time on campus.
we'll see how i feel in two months though...

serpent's suasive...

2006-08-30T09:06:00.000-04:00

we studied genesis 3 today (a section of scripture usually entitled 'the fall') and i am seeing it from a whole new perspective. i am having a hard time understanding why God goes through the process of creation and giving free will even though it is so painful for him. His gentle response to the man and the woman after they disobey the one thing he asked them not to do is so foreign to my own thoughts and instinct in how to respond. so much of me wishes that God would have just yelled at them, expressed his anger but instead he just lets his pain sit out there. it frustrates me because it means i must do the same. i want to be justified but i know that i must change and respnd gentle, that i must not work independently of God but be dependent on him for guidance in moral choice. it is a humbling realization and hopefully one that i can stay commited to trying to live out...

transition...

2006-08-28T15:24:00.000-04:00

although camp is offically over for me for the summer, i am still up at pioneer for the ontario campus staff retreat for this week. being back with other staff from around the province has made me excited to get back into campus mode but has also made me aware of how tired i am. this week we will be studying the first 11 chapters of the book of genesis. last night we did the first 11 books in 7 short skits which was quite hilarious and i am sure will provide planty of blackmail material in the future.
i am hoping this will be a good week of rest (three cheers for free time in the afternoon for napping!) and getting focused to return to ministry at MAC. it is so crazy to think that next week is welcome week and that students will be back on campus and starting a whole new academic year.

stepping it up...

2006-08-25T21:41:00.000-04:00

this morning has been the best moment i have ever had at adventure camp. the theme this session is "cereal city" and the program team has done an awesome job trying to pull in as many of the cereal characters as they possibly can. this morning at breakfast (the cereal banquet) they all came together and sand a medley that summed up the story for the week. it was so good! i can believe how talented and creative they are. it all ended with 'cereal for life' (to the tune of 'circle of life') with the big finish being in 4 part harmony. it is so amazing how they have gone the extra mile for the last session when most people just fade out (including myself i think). i have been so impressed with the leadership over at adventure camp this summer and how much they really care for the kids that come to that camp and the ministry that happens there.
i'm hoping the video footage of the grand finale will end up on the internet for the world to enjoy. i will post the link on this site once i hear word...

increased communication...

2006-08-24T16:20:00.000-04:00

tomorrow is the last full day of summer camp (although it feels like winter up here...). i have thoroughly enjoyed this summer, if i were chris clements i would most likely describe it as quite reasonable. definitely glad that i decided to come back for one last summer before taking a little time away from spending the whole summer at pioneer.
once again i am amazed by how God has been working in the lives of campers and staff all summer. i see Him working each summer but somehow i seem to forget and i am surprised when it happens again. we had our last director's meeting on tuesday night (with some delicious home cookin' from peter bloom, former general director for pioneer) and there was ust story after story of all the great things that are happening around the lake and the ways that campers lives are being transformed because of pioneer camp.
there are so many highlights and i wish i could write them all down to share with everyone but i don't have the time or the energy to do that. i have realized though that i really need to be doing this whole blog thing a lot more to update people on the day to day highlights of the ministry i am so privileged to be called to that so often get skipped over when i chat with some people only once or twice a year. hopefully this will be the start of more stories and tales of the ongoings of daily life of campus ministry (since camp really only has one full day left).
i find it hilairious to watch the campers at adventure camp (ages 5-10) eat their lunch and dance. extremely entertaining. today a girl lost her tooth (a baby one to be exact) and the dining hall errupted into a cheer. love it. it has been a while since i've been witness to someone losing a tooth. i'm thinking about losing some myself because they give out candy at adventure camp to all those who lose a tooth. not a bad deal...

last day of february...

2006-02-28T23:15:00.000-05:00

i'm trying to write a paper but i hit a wall. i was going strong for a while but i just can't get the old brain to kick back into high gear. the meaningless goals i set to meet tonight is not going to be met so it will mean another late night tomorrow. i wish that i could procrastinate at procrastinating because then i would actually get around to getting work done because i think to set a goal to procrastinate, i would actually have to do something other than procrastinate in order to not procrastinate. if that made any sense to you, i am sorry.
tomorrow is lent and i am not prepared. i know i am going to totally forget that it is lent and gorge myself on sugar. oh well, discipline never was my strong point. hopefully the oh henry i ate an hour and a half ago will tie me over for 40 days.
just to enter another random thought, i am currently in love with a website. yes, as embarassing as it is for me to admit that, i can not get enough of pandora.com. check it out. my mind has be blown...

2006-02-12T11:29:00.000-05:00

cole vs. the man, round 1...

2006-02-07T23:45:00.000-05:00

today in class i found myself checking out of the lecture and checking into the depth of my own thoughts as of late, which does nothing for my class participation but everything for my mental stability and own personal human development. sounds nerdy but you must understand i am on the rebound from trying to explain that i don't merely zone out in a lecture because it is over my head...at least not this time.
i have been over sensitive to my own situation lately and have been extra aware to my 'instinctive emotional response' to the 'systemic power imbalances' that i've been functioning in most recently. now, the lecture i checked out of was on the very topic of systemic power imbalances but i did not find the class discussion helpful (especially the comments from a certain man with a mullet...)
how do you make your voice heard in a situation that you feel silenced in? why do i feel bad for realizing that i feel silenced in the first place? how the hell do i talk about this without silencing others and just reversing the situation so that it is in my favour but rather that power is redistributed with greater equality and benefits all those involved?

i realize that this whole blog entry is brought to you by my well-training, over-analytical, university educated brain that really has way better things to do.
i confess that i am extremely privileged and i take it for granted. i confess that i complain about things some people would kill to have. i confess that i am a woman in need of saving and i know the One who is able.

who will think about the children?

2006-01-23T15:32:00.000-05:00

i just ran into the craziest kid on my way to vote this afternoon. he was skipping down the street making peace signs (very richard nixon) and i made eye contact with him and smiled as he passed me and he just exploded into 'hi,hi,hi,hi,hi,hi...woo hoo, woo hoo, woo hoo.' i think that kid had one too many epipens today.

vote or pie...

2006-01-23T12:10:00.000-05:00

a reminder to all 2 of you who read this blog to go out and vote today.
exercising your right to vote means you can exercise your right to complain when things are messed up.
i personally am voting only on the basis of who is the best dresser...i'm sure you all knew this would happen because i am extremely shallow.

thoughts from a weekend...

2006-01-23T01:00:00.000-05:00

i had something really clever to write yesterday but now that i am sitting down to actually write it, my mind escapes me.
i had lunch with pete and jan yesterday and feel renewed from the whole experience. it is so nice to sit down with people who know you well and just talk about life and feel support and love. plus getting one of jan's delicious coffee cakes doesn't hurt either.
last week was a bit of a roller coaster of questioning everything, not in a bad way, more in an evaluative way, but i didn't really have the concentrative power to do so. (my sister has been taking these fish pills to increase her brain function but i haven't seen any improvments yet. haha...burn.) i don't really want to have to think about some of this stuff until the end of the semester but i have a feeling it will all sneak back into my thought playlist probably when i am trying to fall asleep.

all hail the king...

2006-01-13T21:29:00.000-05:00

tonight as i was driving down main street just as the 'liberal-palooza' was letting out and it was a gong show. there was this massive crowd and all these people were freaking out because martin's tour bus was trying to get out of the parking lot but there was all this traffic so this one guy stopped all the traffic and guided the buss through...so weird. everyone was acting like it was a earth stopping moment. i just wanted to get to blockbuster...

ushered in...

2006-01-10T22:46:00.000-05:00

the church is the bride of the groom who is christ. as a guest at the wedding, does the usher escort to the bride's side or the groom's? does your intimate knowledge rest in the church or in Christ?

the analogy has holes but the question is important.

are you one who knows a culture or are you one who knows a saviour?

are we ushering in a kingdom of doctrine or of God?
are we pushing our agenda or manifesting the way things are meant to be?

targum...

2006-01-06T14:24:00.000-05:00

and it all happens on a cross
it all happens at a state execution
where the govenor did not commute the sentance
it all happens at the hands of the empire
that has captured our imagination
it all happens through blood
not through a power grab by the sovereign one
it all happens in embraced pain
for the sake of others
it all happens on a cross
arms stretched out in embrace
and this is the image of the invisible God
this is the body of Christ

walsh & keesmaat, colossians remixed: subverting the empire. p.88-89.

perma-night life...

2006-01-06T02:22:00.000-05:00

first post of 2006 and (drum roll please) i've got a complaint. it has been like 3 weeks since i have seen the sun and it is really starting to get to me. i'm cracking under the pressure. i've noticed an increase in cyncism and bitterness since the sun disappeared from my day and i'm hoping it comes back before i get stuck this way (yes, i believe the medical phenomenon relates to the same laws of thermodynamics that dictate that if you get slapped on the back while making a funny face, your face will indeed remain that way. i am afraid not having the sun will cause me to be tempermental and moody forever.)
it is kind of like that episode of seinfeld when the kenny roger's roasters moves in across the street from kramer's apartment and all the light shines in and jerry (who switches apartments with kramer) starts to go all crazy and 'kramer-like' except that it is a lack of a blazing bright light that has caused my moody misfortune.

pull your monopoly together...

2005-12-29T20:49:00.000-05:00

today i finally got a cheque from bell to compensate me for the overpayment i made 4 months ago when we switched from bell to rogers. maybe now they will stop sending me a bill each month showing me that they owe me $17.40.

post-christmas wrap-up

2005-12-27T22:59:00.000-05:00

the christmas travelling season has ended and i must say it went much better than expected. the thing about going to someone else's home for holiday celebrations is that you can actually avoid your own family a lot easier because you are 'visiting' with others. this year was the first without julia around, which was definitely noticable but i still survived due to the strong presence of T at the dysfunct this year. it also helped that ko is like ten times funnier than last year and a lot less moody than the angst teenage girl she most often represents.
a good night/day of sleep today has gotten me back on track to enjoying the rest of my holiday. i'm trying to figure out a wedding gift for zeb and laura right now. i got ideas but not the money to back them up so we'll see what i can pull together on my budget.
still waiting for jules to make the call to lock me into my new year's eve outfit. i can only wear this pleather number for so long...i think a rash is developing.

scruples...

2005-12-14T23:38:00.000-05:00

finished exams today with a huge ass kicking for my new testament exam. i love when strategic studying pays off. why study all the material when you can play the odds and wait for your ship to come sailing in.
this glorious event, however, has come at the cost of an ethical dilemma as i think i saw someone cheating during the exam today and i am not sure what to do about it. i'm not 100% sure that the guy was actually cheating but some suspicious behaviour and the krinkling of paper in what seemed to be the sleeve of his coat makes me believe my suspicions are correct.
the irony of it all is that my first time observing a "cheating-in-action" was during an exam at the div college. so good to know that God loves and uses even the cheaters.

E, I, R, 5, W, P...

2005-12-13T00:14:00.000-05:00

i think my eye balls are starting to harden from the amount of radiation they have gotten from staring at this computer screen for 4 days straight. the funny thing is though, the only thing i want to do for my study break is go watch tv which also involves my eye balls staring at a glowing screen for a long period of time. that's the problem with eye balls these days, they think they know it all and don't take any advice when making decisions.

do not stare directly at the jersey...

2005-12-11T18:57:00.000-05:00

nothing beats preping for an exam and watching some canadian curling olympic trials. so creepy though that the thrid from team gushue is a dead ringer for pete. maybe that is why pete said he was away all week...conspiracy theory what?

long time no hear...

2005-12-07T22:09:00.000-05:00

i talked to cheryl for the first time today since the summer. so crazy to think it has been almost 2 years since our common-law days ended. it has felt like forever yet like no time what-so-ever at the same time. i blame it on her youthful complexion.

what is this...a retirement home?

2005-12-06T23:03:00.000-05:00

the couch is starting to get a nice 'cole's ass' shaped groove in it because i have been home significantly more often than normal over the past 3 days. while it has been nice to sit still a little more that usual, the studying i am doing while sitting still is getting old fast.
i'm a little concerned that my hands seem to be shriveling up because they are so dry. soon i'll have to start shooing away the birds that come to pick at the cracks in my gross, dried skin. i know they are just trying to survive the winter but it is really hard to explain to others why you have birds pecking away at your hands 4 months of the year.

serial killer on the loose...

2005-11-28T18:01:00.000-05:00

i have killed three fish in less than a week. they all drowned.

creepy guy...

2005-11-24T03:22:00.000-05:00

sitting in bridges, working on my laptop, creppy guy staring at me.
don't know what to make of the weird feedback i have been getting from different people. seems like there is so much opposition to certain aspects of my opinion or apporach to ministry but i have never felt so certain about it at the same time. i'm not saying that there are no points of improvment (believe me, i can name them along with you) but i don't think that it is completely wrong all together.
why won't that creepy guy stop looking at me?

the jimmy leg...

2005-11-22T12:34:00.000-05:00

i realized that i need to lay off the caffeine after my 4th night of insomnia last night (no doubt caffeine induced). these late night and early mornings are really starting to catch up with me.

when the procrastinating is good...

2005-11-22T02:30:00.000-05:00

lamont hasn't eaten since i brought him home on saturday. i am afraid that he's not going to be a long lasting fish. lauren described him as 'dead and sinky' and i tend to agree with her diagnosis. i'm hoping for a fish miracle.

rand-o-mania...

2005-11-19T05:03:00.000-05:00

it sounds like my neighbours upstairs are sitting in my room with me because our house is made of paper mache.
our bathroom smells really bad not because of obvious reasons but for a reason we have yet to determine.
today i almost got kicked out of the house because anthony caught me putting the sour milk back in the fridge for someone else to find.
i'm going to attempt to write 2 papers in 2 days, a feat never yet attempted or accomplished.
the snow took me for surprise today and i'm having a little culture shock having to clean off my car before i go anywhere now.
ben kept laughing at me for no apparent reason and i couldn't help but laugh back at him. that kid is a nut job.
tomorrow for a study break i want to go buy a fish.

real world math...

2005-11-17T19:18:00.000-05:00

no sleep + early morning meeting + forgotten homework + bad presentation = i need a nap.

a glimpse of glory...

2005-11-16T20:11:00.000-05:00

to see someone speak of something they are passionate about is to see into their soul. today i had the great pleasure to hear a friend speak of the work he is doing in international development and it was an extremely sacred experience. God works in such amazing ways through people who are incompetent but willing to make a difference.
i saw such a small piece of the glory of God but am overwhelmed. what would it mean to see it in its fullest?

justifying or defending...

2005-11-15T19:22:00.000-05:00

do i justify or defend? do i think of others or only myself? am i self-deprecating for my own selfish ambition or am i sold out for someone else? how do i not compete when every part of me wants to? how can i be? how come you are?

someone else's shoes...

2005-11-14T01:13:00.000-05:00

i am absolutely useless right now. my brain can't focus on anything. i have so much work that i know i can do and i even have ideas for what to do for it but i am immobilized and honestly couldn't be bothered to do anything. this always drives me crazy. i leave everything to the last minute because i actually can't do anything but that.
sometimes i wished i was one of those people like diana on degrassi who get the big science assingment done 2 weeks before it is due. i guess if i was one of those people i would be annoying to people like me who are just sitting around killing time because i can't be bothered to actually be productive with my time.

falling behind...

2005-11-13T00:11:00.000-05:00

so an entire day has been spent doing the complete opposite than what i had planned to do. it's one of those things were what i did do today means more for the future than what i had planned but the change of plans means more pain in the present.
i had wanted to spend the day going to t.o. to get some books, spend a good 1.5 hours with a friend and a coffee then head home to start on the 2 papers and 2 presentations i have due in the next week or so. instead i ended up going for lunch with the fam and some friends, having a tag along for the trip to the t.o. and the time with my friend (which really changes the dynamics of the whole experience i might add) and now getting home at 8:45pm, full of guilt to do work but having no energy to do it.
i know it is good to put some things as priorities but i just keep getting farther behind on other things. how the hell do i do it all?

moderate-over whelmed...

2005-11-11T22:40:00.000-05:00

it's just one of those days when you feel so small in a huge world and you wonder how it will ever work out. it sounds super depressing but i mean it more as a 'i wish everything would stop for a minute so i can catch my breath, grab something to eat and jump back in there' the next two weeks are going to be tricky...

sleep is good...

2005-11-10T04:20:00.000-05:00

i woke up this morning and felt like it was the first time i had ever woken up in my life. i can't really explain it all that well but i felt that it had been my first experience of being awake and to be honest, i was somewhat annoyed and just wanted to sleep again.
i'm reading the narnia series and something like that happened in the chapter i read before bed. dreams are so weird that i could take on not just an idea but the feeling of breaking out of a state of unconsciousness.
with powers like these, i could take over the world...

things i hate most #34

2005-11-09T15:25:00.000-05:00

sitting in a two hour class with cold wet jeans is definitely not my first choice of things to do.
the weather is crummy and cold and i don't want to leave my bed. thanks to technology i don't have to, until i have to pee.

knuckles, i thought we were friends...

2005-11-07T03:08:00.000-05:00

came back to the blog today because i am basically avoiding/procrastinating on the school work right now and was reminded that i declared 2005 the year of cole. didn't really seem to end up to be a year of much if this year of all years was the year of cole. perhaps i will put a hold on 2005 as the year of cole and hold out for 2006.
today i was able to achieve the great feat of making it to the final boss of sega's sonic and knuckles but despite my best efforts (and 5 continues) i was unable to complete the task. i guess that just means i will have to spend another 3 hours tomorrow trying again. the worst part about the loss is that the big 'game over' slides onto the screen, it fades to black and then the stupid sega jingle plays and you are officially burned deeply by its taunts.
oh sonic...one day i will muster up enough thumb dextarity to be able to free your tiny animal friends once and for all.

last thought of january...

2005-01-31T22:13:00.000-05:00

my apparent claim to be back into the writing thing was another of my disenchanted and unattained ideal to be something different than i am.
today there are 2 thoughts i need to share before i can carry on with life.
#1. i'm currently working on a message i am sharing next week and it is getting me so excited because the spirit is speaking to me in amazing ways. i just hope i can pass it along to others with the same magnitude and intensity that i have been hit with it.
#2. anyone who hasn't heard the lauryn hill unplugged album yet needs to go out and buy it and listen to the whole thing in one sitting. she is a genius and can use words in a way i will never be able to.

"i'm emotionally unstable and i'm not going to change"

happy new year...

2005-01-17T22:09:00.000-05:00

a happy new year to everyone who reads this. i know it has been a few weeks since i've written but i'm feeling back in the mood to share thoughts and ideas. i think my brain needed a little vacation...it is still out on vacation but the replacement brain (which is really just a crappy patched up old organizer with a calculator and calendar feature) decided to take a stab at the writing thing.
2005 was officially declared the year of cole but i have been so busy since the new year started that i haven't really noticed it being any different than 2004. perhaps people are still getting into the swing of the year of cole much like the few weeks you continue to write 2004 on cheques and letters and stuff. i think it should catch on soon...

last day of the year...

2004-12-31T11:51:00.000-05:00

on this last day of 2004, i have decided to take a break from writing in the blog for a bit. for all 2 of you that read this thing, i know you are disappointed but i plan to come back stronger than ever after a short hiatis from the writing.

a quick thought...

2004-12-20T12:20:00.000-05:00

i heart christmas cards.

act your age...

2004-12-19T12:11:00.000-05:00

it is so weird when children are dressed in adult looking clothes. i feel like when i see a small child wearing a suit or a blazer that i should be talking to them about taxes and government, not about candy and toys and other children things. the thing is that kids only wear these clothes because their parents make them. i'm sure half these kids would be just as content running around in their bathing suits...

sparkle sparkle...

2004-12-17T17:25:00.000-05:00

i've been getting a lot of christmas cards in the mail (being as popular as i am) and some of them have all kinds of sparkle stuff on them. while i do deeply appreciate the kind gesture my friends have shown by sending me holiday greetings (in spite of the fact that i am a jackass and don't send christmas cards to anyone) the sparkle from these cards is on everything i own. it seems that everytime i turn around i find little sparkles glistening in the light. while i should be soothed by the beauty and magic inherrently embodied by the sparkle, it instead makes me a little angry because i just can 't get rid of them all. i got issues...

it runs in the family...

2004-12-16T14:26:00.000-05:00

i had this random thought yesterday that i would be way funnier if i knew how to play the guitar. now i'm not really sure how i came to this conclusion or even if it makes any sense whatsoever but i was absolutely convinced of it at the time. i usually have random thoughts like this before i fall asleep when randomness can be attributed to unconsciousness. randomness during the day, however, has no excuse or explaination but can only be connected to the fact i am crazy. i knew that would come out one of these days...

no more lame...

2004-12-14T14:39:00.000-05:00

i've noticed that i've been writing some pretty lame stuff over the last few weeks. i'm going to try to put a little more gusto into what i write. not today though, i'm just too lazy.

the young and the restless...

2004-12-13T22:45:00.000-05:00

kids leave a trail of messy wherever they go. i had just 2 children over at my house yesterday but was left with 2 paint stains and a beautiful marker drawing on the carpet, a couch full of bread crumbs, random markers coming out of everywhere and a mysterious sticky spot on the coffee table. i must admit they were the life of the party and boy can those disney princesses sing...

robbing the cradle...

2004-12-08T21:32:00.000-05:00

i think it is hilarious when older women (like way older women) try to hit on young men. it is like they feel they have the right to say anything they like. and there is no filter on what they are saying either. if they're thinking it, they're saying it.
my oma has this friend who always makes comments about how good looking she thinks my brother is. she's like 80 and he's 22...a match made in heaven if you ask me.

not even the bell can save you now...

2004-12-07T18:27:00.000-05:00

i never realized how horrible the acting on saved by the bell is. i'm not sure if it is that tv acting has gotten a lot better or if my standards weren't that high when i was a t-nbc watcher but it is really quite embarassing to watch zack, kelly, screech, slater, jessie, and lisa live out their days at bayside high. it kind of makes you wonder how they ever got acting jobs after that show.
on a more positive note, today was my second most favourite episode of all time. you know the one where they're all in that band together and then zack dreams that they get famous and he ditches they for fame but then they all realize their selfishness and come back for the 'friends forever' tour. what a classic moment.