last day of february...

i'm trying to write a paper but i hit a wall. i was going strong for a while but i just can't get the old brain to kick back into high gear. the meaningless goals i set to meet tonight is not going to be met so it will mean another late night tomorrow. i wish that i could procrastinate at procrastinating because then i would actually get around to getting work done because i think to set a goal to procrastinate, i would actually have to do something other than procrastinate in order to not procrastinate. if that made any sense to you, i am sorry.
tomorrow is lent and i am not prepared. i know i am going to totally forget that it is lent and gorge myself on sugar. oh well, discipline never was my strong point. hopefully the oh henry i ate an hour and a half ago will tie me over for 40 days.
just to enter another random thought, i am currently in love with a website. yes, as embarassing as it is for me to admit that, i can not get enough of pandora.com. check it out. my mind has be blown...

cole vs. the man, round 1...

today in class i found myself checking out of the lecture and checking into the depth of my own thoughts as of late, which does nothing for my class participation but everything for my mental stability and own personal human development. sounds nerdy but you must understand i am on the rebound from trying to explain that i don't merely zone out in a lecture because it is over my head...at least not this time.
i have been over sensitive to my own situation lately and have been extra aware to my 'instinctive emotional response' to the 'systemic power imbalances' that i've been functioning in most recently. now, the lecture i checked out of was on the very topic of systemic power imbalances but i did not find the class discussion helpful (especially the comments from a certain man with a mullet...)
how do you make your voice heard in a situation that you feel silenced in? why do i feel bad for realizing that i feel silenced in the first place? how the hell do i talk about this without silencing others and just reversing the situation so that it is in my favour but rather that power is redistributed with greater equality and benefits all those involved?

i realize that this whole blog entry is brought to you by my well-training, over-analytical, university educated brain that really has way better things to do.
i confess that i am extremely privileged and i take it for granted. i confess that i complain about things some people would kill to have. i confess that i am a woman in need of saving and i know the One who is able.